He told me once: “I won’t start anything with anyone, unless I know that this is something serious and it is going somewhere”.
And since I am a woman I remember only good things about people I like. And when I start not liking them I see the bad things too.
He was very independent, mature, great, pretty [handsome if you wish], happy person. He was a lot of things, a lot of words, a lot of smiles and all this other stuff that you can think of. He was everything that you can fit in one little box and call it “the heaven”.
I called it “my Kirkland heaven”. He lived there. Only in the mornings, when it is time to get up he didn’t give me what I wanted. But he gave me what he could. And after that, he would get up and leave, leaving me alone in that “heaven”. But again, there was no time for sadness.
Now it is. Now there is only ….one text in two, three, four, …days? I don’t know. Now it is not even the heaven anymore. And I already start forgetting how it is actually walk around and complaint “how far are we walking?”, “what are you doing, we are on public?!” and all that other good stuff. It was good.
Torture. Yes. It is a torture. It is Autumn, It is holiday, It shouldn’t be that bad. But his priorities are school, work, hunting, sport, fishing, family (?), ….. and then somewhere over there, where you can’t really see anything is me. Sad? No. Even worse. I should stay positive, and say “well, at least you are on the list”. No. I am not positive. Why?
Because I don’t even remember your smile anymore.